The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: “The affordable boat act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new boat, by April 2014. The online Affordable Boat Exchange (ABE) website has been set up for all to register for a boat at their convenience. We have hired the most incompetent federal lobbing companies to setup the Affordable Boat Act” website, to ensure a smooth transition.
These “affordable” boats will cost an average of $54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees, maintenance or repair costs. But don’t let that discourage you, think about how great you will feel with your new affordable boat.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only greedy wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase boats. This new laws ensures that every American can now have a “affordable” boat of their own, because everyone is “entitled” to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before the end of the year, you will receive 4 “free” life jackets; not including monthly usage fees. For those who can’t afford a boat because of income or desire not to work, the government affordable boat mandate will provides funds needed to help those individuals buy boats. All people, regardless of income, must have boats.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable boat, the costs of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. Children (under the age of 26) can use their parents boats to party on until they turn 27; then must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can’t) providing your boat meets the new boat mandate standards. If your boat fails to meet government standards, the boat will be canceled (destroyed), and you will be required to go onto the boating website exchange and get a new boat. If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy a replacement anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment. The IRS will be monitoring you in all cases, and will make the determination as to your compliance with the Affordable Boating Law.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in the desert; ghettos; inner cities or areas with no access to lakes are not exempt. Age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge nor lack of desire are are also not acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between the port starboard or stern of a boat) will decide everything, including; when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your boat along with how many people can ride your boat and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their boat. They will also decide if your boat has out lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories,(like a $500 compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so…it’s only fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment. Government officials, their staff, and Unions, and large political affiliations (lobbies) who contribute large sums of money are exempt from this new law. If government officials, and their staff, want a boat, they and their families can obtain a deluxe boats free, at the expense of tax payers, small companies, bankers and mega companies (unless they fall into the political lobbyist affiliations category).
Now, let’s all go boating!