Home Ownership for the Birds

I’m beginning to think homeownership is overrated.

My house is in a picturesque setting on the edge of the countryside. It sits high on a hill, surrounded by lush green grounds and many trees. My nearest neighbor is a football field away.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that I am in a bitter battle with the creatures that surround my property.

Phone Addiction Not So Smart

Get this: People are becoming addicted to their smartphones. According to a report from Flurry Analytics, says The Washington Post’s Style Blog, the average mobile consumer checks his phone 150 times a day. A “mobile addict” is defined as someone who launches apps more than 60 times a day — 10 times as often as…

We Want Politicians to Lie

Get this: The U.S. Supreme Court is about to decide whether false accusations and mudslinging during political campaigns are illegal. Eric Allie / Cagle Cartoons As it goes, during the 2010 election in Ohio, an anti-abortion group, the Susan B. Anthony List, sought to launch a billboard campaign that accused then-Rep. Steven Driehaus, a Democrat,…

Exploiting the American Prom

Exclusive Excerpt from: “Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!” by Tom Purcell Proms sure have gotten expensive these days. According to the San Jose Mercury News, high school kids spend nearly $4 billion annually for dresses, accessories, flowers, beauty products, limos and other prom-related items. The average couple spends upward…

Longing for Tax Freedom

“I can’t believe it. The wife and I owe the IRS again!” “You mean you aren’t getting a refund this year like millions of working Americans?” “Refund? The wife and I run a small business. We are crushed by taxes. We can barely keep up with what we owe.” Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle “It…

My Father’s 1959 Tax Return

Exclusive Excerpt from: “Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!” by Tom Purcell I stumbled upon my father’s 1959 income tax return a few years ago. How I long for the simplicity he enjoyed when he filed his taxes that year. For 1959, my father paid a measly 5 percent in…

Privacy? Surely You Jest!

Ring. Ring. “Hello, this is Tom.” “We know who you are, Tom. In the digital age, you will be shocked by what we know about you.” “Who is this? The National Security Agency? I thought President Obama issued orders to rein you in!” Adam Zyglis / Buffalo News “That’s a good one, Tom. Obama told…

Springtime in Washington

Exclusive Excerpt from: “Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!” by Tom Purcell Ah, springtime has finally arrived in Washington, D.C. The National Cherry Blossom Festival is beginning. The cherry trees, 3,700 of them given to America by the Japanese in 1912, will soon be in full bloom. It reminds me…

Obama Confesses

“Pope Francis, I have never been to Catholic confession before, but I have a few things I have to get off my chest.” “Go on, Barack.” “Between you and me, pontiff, I can’t believe I am president. There I was, trying my hand at presidential debates, and all of a sudden I am sitting in…

Obama Talks to Putin

“You have been warned, Vladimir. If you don’t reverse your impending annexation of Crimea, you’re going to pay a steep price.” “Steep price, Obama? More silly personal sanctions placed on a handful of individuals, rather than sanctions on my energy industry and banks — something Vladimir actually fears? Sticks and stones may break Vladimir’s bones,…

Government Advice on Affording ObamaCare

“Look, if you want ObamaCare, you are just going to have to make some better budgeting decisions.” “Budgeting decisions? I make $36,000 a year. The best deal I could find on ObamaCare, with subsidies, is $350 a month. That is a hefty 10 percent of my income!” Gary McCoy / Cagle Cartoons “Like President Obama…

The Value of Irish Humor

Exclusive Excerpt from: “Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!” by Tom Purcell With the world in such a tizzy these days — with so many people ready to shout and argue and poke each other in the eyes — I can’t think of a better time to embrace the Irish…

Old-Fashioned Baby Names Make a Comeback

Get this: Old-fashioned baby names are beginning to make a comeback. That was the finding of BabyCenter, a digital resource for parenting and pregnancy, which released the top 100 baby names for 2013. Patrick Chappatte / International New York Times Some of the names at the top of the list are oldies but goodies, such…

Men, Your Love Life Needs a Pickup (Truck)

There’s a reason why American men drive big pickup trucks: Women dig them. According to The Washington Free Beacon, a new poll by Insure, an independent consumer insurance website, found that women think attractive men are most likely to be driving a pickup truck. David Fitzsimmons / Arizona Daily Star The survey asked 2,000 men…

A Dieting Cookie Addict’s Plea

We must stop them. We must stop the millions of Girl Scouts who are, right this moment, preying on a helpless public, making us buy and consume calories we don’t need — at the rate of one or two rows of cookies at each sitting. Randy Bish / Pittsburgh Tribune-Review I am on a diet,…

The Swimsuit Issue

  It disgusts me more every year. I speak of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, which is published the middle of February every year. I’m not the only one disgusted. Other folks, such as those in the American Decency Association (ADA), often criticize the publication. “Sports Illustrated disrespects women by displaying demeaning stereotypes of female…

Losing Ourselves in Snow & Cold

Let’s keep it together, people. I speak of the way we are responding to record snow and cold sweeping across vast regions of the country. People are cussing at snowplow drivers and each other. Panicked shoppers are fighting over toilet paper and milk. Americans are suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder in unprecedented numbers. Rick McKee…

Discouraging Work

Get this: The government is incentivizing people to not work. So said the head of the nonpartisan Congressional Budget Office last week. CBO Director Douglas Elmendorf told lawmakers that millions of workers could either cut back their work hours or opt out of the job market completely because of ObamaCare. Rick McKee / Augusta Chronicle…